There is a debate in the literature about what leads to age-related hypogamy in sexual relationships. It has been argued that a number of variables affect the likelihood of women entering into a hypogamous relationship based on age, such as race or ethnicity, education, income, marital status, conservatism, age and number of sexual partners. [62] For example, U.S. Census data show an exaggerated sex ratio in African-American communities, with 100 African-American women to 89 African-American men. [71] African American women have been shown to live in hypogamous or hypergamous marriages compared to white American women. [72] However, recent evidence has found that women who fall into racial categories alongside African Americans or whites are more likely to sleep with younger men,[62] showing that it is still unclear which ethnic groups, if any, are more likely to have hypogamous relationships by age. For most people, they use the simple rule of „half your age plus seven“ to meet someone younger than them, and they use the rule to determine if someone is too old for them, „subtract seven years and double that number.“ I think there are ways to build on this very important research. What is the actual average age difference between couples? How would this research be applied to same-sex relationships? Does being rich/famous influence what people find socially acceptable? The dating age rule for determining a socially acceptable age difference in partners looks like this: half your age plus seven years (40 = 20 + 7 = 27) to set the minimum age of a partner, and your age minus seven times two (40 = 33 * 2 = 60) to set the maximum age of a partner. In general, I think that 10 to 20 years younger or more is considered „appropriate“ by the norms of our society. If Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher can reunite (they started dating when she was 41 and he was 25) and movies like „Call Me By Your Name“ are nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars, the taboo of having more than seven years of age difference has certainly fallen out the window. But just because you love them doesn`t mean society will always see your relationship in the same positive light — and that`s something you should be prepared for.
Unfortunately, although we are making progress as a society, there are still people who deem age differences obvious when it comes to dating. Pete Davidson, 25, and Kate Beckingsale, 45, are the latest couple to experience it, with Davidson defending their relationship on Saturday Night Live by providing a list of famous couples who came before them. That being said, a major difficulty with a large age difference is ensuring that the morals, values, and life goals of both people are synchronized. Do you both want a family? Do you both respect each other`s careers? The „mothering“ of a partner, whether older or younger, can manifest itself later in a power struggle. This attitude in a relationship usually contributes to codependency and controlling behavior (not cute!). These are big no-no`s if your goal is to have a healthy relationship. No matter what stage of your life you are, if you and your partner agree on the important things, there`s nothing you can`t overcome. Even men limit a girl`s age to fantasize. Anyone younger than acceptable makes them uncomfortable.
Men are guided by what is considered socially acceptable, even when it comes to fantasies. [Read: 13 Misconceptions About Dating Older Women We Need to Dispel] What the research really shows is that there are several different age rules, depending on what someone is looking for in a relationship. If you`re looking for someone to have casual sex with, your dating age rule is different from that of a serious relationship. A study by David Buss examined gender differences in partner preferences in 37 cultures with 10,047 participants. In all 37 cultures, men were found to prefer younger women and women to older men. These age preferences were confirmed in marriage registers, with men marrying women younger than them and vice versa. [38] A recent study by Schwarz and Hassebrauck confirmed these findings. [39] This study involved 21,245 participants aged 18 to 65 years who were not involved in a close relationship.
Not only did they have to ask participants a series of questions about the criteria for selecting partners, but they also had to indicate the oldest and youngest partner they would accept. It was found that men of all ages were willing to accept women slightly older than themselves (on average 4.5 years older), but they accepted women significantly younger than their own age (on average 10 years younger). Women show a complementary tendency in that they are willing to accept older men (on average 8 years older) and were also willing to accept men younger than them (on average 5 years younger). This is slightly different from our close evolutionary relatives: chimpanzees. Male chimpanzees tend to favor older females over younger ones, and the specific evidence for the value of the female partner is thought to be very different from that of humans. [40] The researchers approached random people in public and asked them to imagine themselves in a romantic relationship with an attractive person of the opposite sex. The researchers then presented different types of relationships — sexual fantasies, accidental relationships, long-term relationships, marriage — and asked participants what their partner`s minimum and maximum ages were for each scenario. When I was 23, I started dating a man who was 17 years older (40), and I found myself connected to this mentor/mentee dynamic. But the roles alternated between us, which helped keep the momentum exciting. My partner shared many personal ideas with me, gained through experiences before we met. He taught me about life and exposed me to challenging situations that I could not have experienced alone (at that time).
In turn, I inspired him to think outside the box, softened his edges and enjoyed his generous nature. We traveled together, discussed music, art, and film, and supported each other in their careers, just like I would with a partner my age. We really celebrated for who we were, and that was very special to me. You`ve probably heard the word „puma.“ This means that an older woman is with a younger man. The guy is applauded by his friends for bagging an older, more experienced woman, but the woman tends to be judged. Many people will shake their heads and ask if she could find someone their age. Far too many women have experienced this and then ended the relationship because of the whispers behind their backs. [Read: Cougar Women Rock – 13 Reasons Why They Are Really Good Partners] Every relationship is unique, so it`s impossible to tell if a certain age difference is too big. There is no magic number or minimum acceptable gap in the age of partners that guarantees success in a relationship. Couples with large age differences in relationships may face some obstacles. With a big age difference, casual dating for a short period of time can be different from a long-term relationship because each partner may be emotionally or physically at a different stage of life (or possibly is). Research has shown that the wider the age range among married couples, the more likely it is that the relationship will end in divorce.
There is also the potential for unhealthy power dynamics. For example, an older partner might take on a more authoritarian role in the relationship. The relationship may not be considered socially acceptable, in which case social disapproval could lead to obstacles. Regardless of the age difference, a couple should strive to establish a healthy relationship by trusting and respecting each other, dealing with conflict positively, communicating effectively, and engaging in supportive interactions. If you love each other, age doesn`t matter, but it`s a good guideline if you`re thinking about a future together, or if you care about what society thinks.
